my head is going insane...so glad this week is almost over!

"nobody in his right mind would've left her."

eeek these shoes are A-MAZING! $80 which isn't bad...i wouldn't be able to wear them til the snow goes away but im in love with them! they have enough support on the top i can already tell it would be a comfortable heel! they are beautiful and i want them to be MINE!

anyways so been a while since i've been on here i have been wanting to sooo bad but i have been so busy with the 2 jobs...im OOOOOOBER excited though because tomorrow i will be getting 3 pay checks (well now today...) and for all of my hard work i've been putting in im treatin myself to gettin' my nails done...full set! OPI bubble bath PLEASE! & thank you! and the rest of 2 of those checks is goin' into a separate account to be set back for an emergency fund...and then i also will be babysittin' this weekend so that will be more money too and then im soooooo looking forward to my sat. either salsa dancin or gonna hang out with boo (my jen...haha) and then sOUPPPPA bowl is hear again...hopefully this one ends better than last year (margaritte....who by the way i will be missing dearly this weekend) me and maggie had a blast and then stupid BOYS ruined it! go figure. but this year there will be no boys to do that for me...soooo yay for that =]

V-DAY is coming up which also means my MARCUS is gonnna be 20 and i am sooooo bummmed i can't be there....swear to moses i will be when ya turn 21 ohhh yaaa buddy we gon' do it up big! =]




SOOO YYAAAA anyways! jen boo's birthday is coming up! 21! ohhh shooot! and i have another year to go boooo =[ oh well.

also i am totlally kickin my butt into shape or sooo i say...immma start eatin a little better this is day 3 without a sweet tea...mind you that i have been drinkin like at least a gallon a day! I MISS MY SWEET TEA! but once im in shape then i can have them every once and a while...i wannna lose 10 pounds...i like the curves of my body and finally don't look like a little girl anymore and i FINALLLY have butt so now i just wannna tone up and make everything tight! i started the better eatin this week and starting monday i am forcing myself to work out...it would be so much easier if it weren't so flippin cold to just go out and run but oh wells....im gonna do boxing and this work out video. and i have decided if i reach my goal im going ot reward myself with another tatoo...im pretty sure i know what i want but it will stay a secret until i get it and who know i might decide i don't want another tatoo so you may never know....welll anyways i soooo need to get some sleep for my exciting day tomorrow i sooooo can't wait! =] g'night!

miss the day when my biggest concern was what to dress my barbie doll in

When We Were Young, We Didn't Want to be 'Too Young for Anything Anymore.' Little Did We Know...

Your boyfriend becomes a prick.

Lollipops turn into cigarettes.

'I love you' was only said to mommy.

The innocent ones turn into sluts.

Home work goes in the trash.
High School shows you who your true friends are.
Mobile phones are being used in class.

Detention becomes suspension.

Soda becomes vodka.

Bikes become cars,

Undies turn into g-strings.

Remember when getting high meant swinging on the playground?

When protection meant wearing a helmet?

When the worst things you could get from boys were cooties?

Dad's shoulders were the highest place on earth and mom was your hero?

Race issues were about who ran the fastest.

War was only a card game.

Cheating only applied to games.

What kind of lunchbox you had was the biggest concern.

The only drug you knew was cough medicine.

Wearing a skirt didn't make you a slut.

The only things that hurt you were skinned knees and goodbyes only meant until tomorrow?

the purple crayon broke and mom said you could still use the other half.

our brother ripped a page out of the coloring book that we had worked really hard on.

it was hard to ride a bike with out training wheels but we wanted to look 'cool'

the boys may have pushed us down and called us names, but they could never break us like they can now...
After a while, you learn the difference between holding a hand, and falling in love. You'll learn kisses don't always mean something. Promises can be broken just as easily as they were made, and as hard as it is to believe, sometimes goodbyes are forever.

Lauren


And we just couldn't wait to grow up.

Gah things are complicated now everything is...why can't we think with the mind of a child. we complicate everything with our selfish ways. seriously its sad. i do it too and it sucks we hurt people we don't mean or out of selfishness. we take crap because we want somthing so bad...we sell our souls for so little...I miss being that little 8 year old running around in my skirt with a run in my tights climbing a tree without a care in the world because i didn't care then if the world accepted me. the mind of a child is a beautiful thing even more beautiful than that is the innocence and naivaty of a child its one of the most beautiful things. its sad how once we reach that certain age were we want to rush it...its and adventure if we will just let it be and appreciate god for this incredible gift of life God had given us...so lets slow down and appreciate where you are right now...no preasure think with the mind of a child and just be. notice everything appreciate it all. there is some motivation for ya.


i am absolutley in LOVE with the song Poison & Wine..its wonderfully written and completly true...such a real honest song.

i despratley want to get my nails done! i need to change he break pads on my breaks so this week i am going to learn how i also very soon will be learning to drive stick...so people y'all might want to clear the ways its gonna be intersting! but it will save me gas!

finally content with a past i regret 10-25-2009

10-25-09
Boy i love you. I loved you with a passion. now i love you with a forgiveness that grew from that pain to hate and that hate to appreciation. I taught myslef things from the ways you wronged me. Forgiveness found me down this road im on. I finally hope you are a great and better than you ever have been. you've made me learn to never settle and im sorry i did with you, and i kept me and you in that thing we called love. yes we loved but there is no way it was a true and full deep understanding of love. this is one thing i can give to the man i am suppose to be with is a love that no one else has ever recieved from me. Thank you for being there when i needed you, when i first got to houston, we got a little carried away but i want you to know that i forgive you with every bone in my body....sorry it took so long but i want you to know that i really hope you are happy. I hope you grow into a beautiful person and find yourself absolutley flustered and blown away knocked off your feet in love with the most gorgeous girl tat ever could be through your eyes. I hope you have everything you want and more. Be happy and im sorry i ever wished you to not be. i di and im sorry you were right michigan has been the most amazing thing that could have ever happened to me. dont' get me wrong i miss texas and my warm weather...its freezing here...i dooo NOT however miss them roaches haha, dude if you saw me you would not recognize me short dark hair...i love it...you would be so proud of me. I honestly am a good person. I work at it everyday and im never going to stop. Im always going to strive to stay on thsi path. anyways best of luck in your life. i will always love you with a great appreciation i learned in life had things not happened the way they did. and yes i forgive you...sorry it took so long. Bye Jake

To my YOU! my future whoever you are if there is a you. I pray for you everyday and that when i meet you, you will understand and forgive me for my past and appreciate who it has made me as i do. please be patient and understand that i honestly don't know how to be loved the right way, i never have been. i have walls that i dont' know how to take down, so when the time is right God please send him to me and make it crystal clear.

The day i completley forgave him and wrote this was October 25 2009. It was the most releiving day of my life I hadn't realized how much i had carried around with me until that day.

At first i remembered every good thing and every bad thing i used to spend days analyzing the situations. There time progressed and i pushed all of those good memories away and forgot them in a sense and held on to the bad to build my walls now i wonder why i ever put them there its wierd there is no pain anymore, but i am sad because i completley don't understand love...i see people together sometimes and happy and i wonder how do they honestly beleive they are made for one another...how do you know...it all seems so stupid now but i know its not i know that there is a feeling you get when your "in love" or lust or whatever you want to call it but i dont' recall that actuall feeling i remember being really happy but now i don't understand what i was so excited about it just doesn't make sense to me. I beleive in it but i again don't understand it. I believe i loved before but i beleive true love is deeper than whatever it was that i felt.




Just went through and was reading my journal,

I've never been as happy as I am now...i love life and live in the moment...i know without a doubt no matter what happens i will be ok. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger...and there is not a doubt in my mind that one little detail that happens has somthing to do with Gods plan.

Wheres my SUGAR...

McDonalds has totally disapointed me with their sweet tea today.

various ramblings...

the truth is simple: you do not die from love. You only wish you did.. Love is giving someone the power to destroy you...

Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.Don’t be ashamed of scars.. they make u who u are..from every wound there is a scar, and every scar tells a story. A story that says, I survived. I’m still here. I’m still strong. It takes strength to love and it takes courage to be loved. This i have yet to acomplished i can love the hell out of someone but don't know how to let someone love the hell out of me. FREAKS ME OUT! like you have no idea i don't know how. It takes strength to survive and it takes courage to live...and to live will be a great adventure..

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God do you learn.


Moving on i very much dislike ice...like seriously wiped out today while gettting out of my truck to put it into 4 wheel drive because i could not move it my tires were just spinning on ice...i got someone to turn it around for me so i could drive straight...maybe one day i will get this thing down i don't see how he did it he had it turned around in seconds took me forever to do NOTHING but spin my tires. blah. so thanks to this lovley adventure my knee is all banged up...well it doesn't look bad. but MAN it hurts. I think i recently have decided there is a new love in my life that i will put on the same level as my matthew mcconaughey.


adam rodriguez! aaahhhh love. =]


ok bed time now.

Phone.