10-25-09
Boy i love you. I loved you with a passion. now i love you with a forgiveness that grew from that pain to hate and that hate to appreciation. I taught myslef things from the ways you wronged me. Forgiveness found me down this road im on. I finally hope you are a great and better than you ever have been. you've made me learn to never settle and im sorry i did with you, and i kept me and you in that thing we called love. yes we loved but there is no way it was a true and full deep understanding of love. this is one thing i can give to the man i am suppose to be with is a love that no one else has ever recieved from me. Thank you for being there when i needed you, when i first got to houston, we got a little carried away but i want you to know that i forgive you with every bone in my body....sorry it took so long but i want you to know that i really hope you are happy. I hope you grow into a beautiful person and find yourself absolutley flustered and blown away knocked off your feet in love with the most gorgeous girl tat ever could be through your eyes. I hope you have everything you want and more. Be happy and im sorry i ever wished you to not be. i di and im sorry you were right michigan has been the most amazing thing that could have ever happened to me. dont' get me wrong i miss texas and my warm weather...its freezing here...i dooo NOT however miss them roaches haha, dude if you saw me you would not recognize me short dark hair...i love it...you would be so proud of me. I honestly am a good person. I work at it everyday and im never going to stop. Im always going to strive to stay on thsi path. anyways best of luck in your life. i will always love you with a great appreciation i learned in life had things not happened the way they did. and yes i forgive you...sorry it took so long. Bye Jake
To my YOU! my future whoever you are if there is a you. I pray for you everyday and that when i meet you, you will understand and forgive me for my past and appreciate who it has made me as i do. please be patient and understand that i honestly don't know how to be loved the right way, i never have been. i have walls that i dont' know how to take down, so when the time is right God please send him to me and make it crystal clear.
The day i completley forgave him and wrote this was October 25 2009. It was the most releiving day of my life I hadn't realized how much i had carried around with me until that day.
At first i remembered every good thing and every bad thing i used to spend days analyzing the situations. There time progressed and i pushed all of those good memories away and forgot them in a sense and held on to the bad to build my walls now i wonder why i ever put them there its wierd there is no pain anymore, but i am sad because i completley don't understand love...i see people together sometimes and happy and i wonder how do they honestly beleive they are made for one another...how do you know...it all seems so stupid now but i know its not i know that there is a feeling you get when your "in love" or lust or whatever you want to call it but i dont' recall that actuall feeling i remember being really happy but now i don't understand what i was so excited about it just doesn't make sense to me. I beleive in it but i again don't understand it. I believe i loved before but i beleive true love is deeper than whatever it was that i felt.
Just went through and was reading my journal,
I've never been as happy as I am now...i love life and live in the moment...i know without a doubt no matter what happens i will be ok. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger...and there is not a doubt in my mind that one little detail that happens has somthing to do with Gods plan.
No comments:
Post a Comment