Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence

having one of those nights where i totally can't sleep and wish i could....my brain is going crazy and now im wondering how in the heck im going to function tomorrow. because i am wide awake!

trust is a major issue of mine and im insanley confused and torn right now and pissed...ok boys that have girlfriends and want to tell me you care about me ohhh so freakin much and emotionally cheat on her and try to physically well excuse me that this isn't very lady like but you can go choke on a dick, ok thank you...sseecondly...when you are asking someone to do a favor for you...how dare you be rude to them? and thirdly now im done whine-ing and wasting my thoughts on you.


happier things...margaritte forst sophie and lola will all be here in less than a week...still trying to get off on saturday so far no luck at all...it is labor day weekend i don't blame them a darn bit but i have my fingers crossed that someone will want to swap...ok i will do more later =] goodnight

GPS, nearest cliff please =]

OMG, we won't even go there but right now i think it would just make my day =] lol

anyways listening to music and im super excited...my best fraaann from texas and her babies will be here next saturday and i right now am currently working on getting it off so i can go chill in chicago with them...we will see i have my fingers crossed! we will see and it will make my day and ijust might put the cliff on hold...lol...mmk im starving and lunch needs to hurry up! k bye!

hyper happpy right now....

ahhh!!! soo i have 13 minutes and i am on my way home and it is another LOVELY weekend!!! freakin-tastic...i can't wait cuz i have talked to a bunch of cranky mc-crankersons today. and i am just ready to chill and tomorrow i am SLEEEPING IN...don't bother callin me tomorrow...i will calll you when i wake up just a simple text will do or leave vm but im putting my phone in a different room than me and making sure not an inch of sunshine will shine in my room so i sleep AS LONG AS MY BODY needs! and then im taking it easey...tonight im going to have a daddy daughter date and im super excited! wooot wooot! and then next week will be here and if margaritte and lola are coming and bring my babies! eeeeeeeeek! sooo let me just say i can't freakin wait...i miss my magrit! chunk deuces nuckka.

always play with passion no matter what the game.

helllo GOOOOOD DAY SIR! =D

got waken up at freakin 4:30 this morning...thank you budah! actually i didn't mind it has kind of made my day...long serious conversations make me happy and sometimes its just what i need.

and i haven't felt this much passion and excitment in my life in a long time...actually never this much for myself for my future for everything...even when life is crazy and not where you want it you can find happiness..what i mean by my life not being where i want is basically i still have a lot of goals to acheive and some of them figuring out how and some of them conflict with my other dreams...but at the same time im not really worried how things play out because i know no matter what it will be exactly what i need and want.

ohhhh myyy sadddnesss! this weather SUCKS! let me just tell you winter is around the corner...the only thing pleasant about that is christmas...but i feel the summer coming to an end...i slept with my windows open last night...i woke up this morning FREEEEEZZING because it was so cold out...how sad! i really can't stand being cold...oooooooo-fuuuuuuuu! oh well here we go again...however with the way life has been flying by im sure summer of 2011 will be here before we know it...=]

and the great thing about that summer is that i will be 21! aaazzzzam! so i am dreaming of next summer...and completley curious...where will i be and what will i be doing and what else will i have acheived a year from now...some of my goals:

1.Chicago or Houston
2.100% independance
3. College
4. Car to replace my truck
5. Completley out of debt
6. Learn how to speak spanish

Those are all my big goals...really the car one isn't because that one is almost out of the way but that will save me a TON of money! =]


smaller goals or things i would like to do...

learn how to play the violin, learn the piano [like i mean be amazing at it, i know a little, your basics thats it] to one day own my own coffee shop or flower shop [only if i get married but if thats in my cards i want one started up way before i have kids so then i have my own thing but i can still have as much time with my kids as i want] if i live the single life forever then i want to run my own bussiness for interior design or like wedding planning or somthing fabulous like that...maybe even bigger like the ceo of a company...

a piece of advice that i think people my age don't understand...your name stands for A LOT! you CAN do whatever you want...you have to network your name...network yourself...you never know who you are talking to or meeting...always leave an impression, always soak in everything you can when a successful person is investing time and money into you...find out what they did to get there...use it where EVER you go..you WILL be amazing. and then when you reach your success share that with those that are just as willling to learn as you are...don't just wait for people to take you places...take yourself and climb the ladder of success its not over night...it takes time...it starts small and it will grow[unless you are just born into it, then be smart enough to keep it] anyways ya there is that =D





noooowww! just for fun


check this out you hoeski hoe.

she being Brand

-new;and you
know consequently a
little stiff i was
careful of her and(having

thoroughly oiled the universal
joint tested my gas felt of
her radiator made sure her springs were O.

K.)i went right to it flooded-the-carburetor cranked her

up,slipped the
clutch(and then somehow got into reverse she
kicked what
the hell)next
minute i was back in neutral tried and

again slo-wly;bare,ly nudg. ing(my

lev-er Right-
oh and her gears being in
A 1 shape passed
from low through
second-in-to-high like
greasedlightning)just as we turned the corner of Divinity

avenue i touched the accelerator and give

her the juice,good

(it

was the first ride and believe i we was
happy to see how nice she acted right up to
the last minute coming back down by the Public
Gardens i slammed on

the
internalexpanding
&
externalcontracting
brakes Bothatonce and

brought allofher tremB
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to a:dead.

stand-
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Edward Estlin Cummings

watch your heart when we're together...boys like you love me forever

awwww helll...the choices of life!

im seriously contimplating between texas and chicago...

chicago pros...

i will be around no one i know and meet completley different people...it will make it harder for him and more of a fight so it would be even more clear if this whole thing with "him" is real or just a temporary thing...i would get to meet a whole set of new people...i would get to live the college experience...i will be right by a big city

chicago cons....

it's going to be freezing!! if i mess up there is no one to catch me...really, i know i will mess up im human hoe...umm lets see it will be a challenge but thats actually not a con because i like them my biggest complaint is the cold...oh and im not for sure about the whole job thing yet when i get there


texas pros...

some of my favorite people in the whole world are there such as margaritte and marcus...and him but right now thats almost a con...i would have independance from my family...it would be ohhh sooo warm!! i love the city life i love the hustle and bustle of things and i love the city lights! i have amazing connections as far as a job would and i would be out alll the time =] ohhh and AMAZING MEXICAN FOOD!


texas cons....

i don't know if being that close to him to soon would be a mistake...i don't want somthing to get started up to soon...i still need to see him fight...i would be really far away from my family...until i got married or got further in college i would always be low on money...not broke but just average enough to pay my bills and a little extra


i don't know i have a lot to think about...if anyone can think of anything on my list that i should add or not i think you should tell me and im willing to listen but when it comes down to it its my decision...however my mind i think is already made up...i don't know if i really am just super excited about it...but i just need to get my confirmation that im 100% right that its the right decision...world her i come!



anyways enough with all that babble now for some different ish crap...anyways...today my mind is changed...sometimes he is textin me like crazy and other times he is sooo off...the more off he is the more my mind is made up with my texas chicago choice...chicago is sounding smarter and smarter everyday...i know if i go there it will take longer than i ever wanted it to take for me to go back to texas...i would be ready to go now...but i want to be fought for...i don't think anyone can know how much i was hurt while i was getting over him...and now he is back in my life and i just don't really know...i need to be positive i need him to prove that i could trust him for forever and thats a long time and i have had over a year to put walls up...i want to see him climb and fight for me...i fought long and hard to be like this so someone is gonna have to fight long and hard to have me...im not gonna lie right now i hope its him...but that doesn't mean it won't change...but im stuborn and im diffent and i need a lot...i need someone that fits into my life and talks to me right...that has that happy balance that i have always loved except i have only met 1 person in my life that has balance...everyone else is a freakin trip...that just doesn't fit my personality...i need to be blind-sided and blown away...i need time...i want you to have everything you want and be just as happy so i have to fit in your life just the same...a girl knows if you are not happy and giving things up you don't want to give up...i want someone who is happy with who they are and their happiness fits with mine and they just want to share and make me part of that happiness... i want a freakin fairy-tale im not sayin somthing thats always perfect because i want to argue and then make up too...but what i want isnt' that crazy of an idea... i want somthing full of passion =D i get it what i want or forget it nukka!

more later. bye you little hoeskis!

made my day...keep making my day! =]

U fell asleep on me...

When you wake up and get this i want you to know i miss you and i htink the world of you. Have a great day at work sweetheart!! Ps I might wake you up before your almarm does muah

all the time thats what i want my only question is will he keep doing it...i really hope so but never the less it made my day it was sweet however i must say i hate being called sweetheart...don't mind it so much from him...anyone else tries to call me baby hun sweetheart or anything im like gag me please...it takes someone time to be able to say that to me not just because you want to but because you mean it i have to know and that doesn't happen over night and you can't over use it....anyways i will prolly blog later...right now im listening to say ahhh and really wanting to get up and dance but im pretty sure some people might look at me like i was crazy if did...ahhh oh well! =] hollla back hoeski!


muah!

make it happen son!

Right now some of my thoughts...

You. Ever feel like you have to do something you don't want to do? Well I do right now and it's not what I want...at all. But I'm almost 100% positive I know what and where I will be very soon part of me is excited and another part of me is disgusted because it means I won't be going to Texas when I want and on that same note realativley....someone messes up with me bad they are going to have to fight like he'll to ever stand a chance with me a little charm and a few texts don't cut it try harder or realize it will never happen I'm not just any other girl I'm Lauren arlana freakin hershberger....a prize to be won get it straight you want me in your life the rest of yours prove it and make it happen son!


Goood-freakin-night!!!

toni frissell

i was reading and article in vogue.



a picture caught my attention...it was take by toni frissell it was first in the magazine back january 1 1939 i found some others i just found them really interesting. there is a story there that i feel like i relate to.

there was a time in my life when i was that girl drowning. however somehow i made it out alive.





a price a woman pays for people destroying you over and over again. it makes you strong though. =] so i thank those people for giving me the tools in my life to be exactly who i needed to be a beautiful strong ass woman!

I am my creativity.
I am my art.
I am love.
I am lauren, lauren arlana freakin hershberger.

Doesn't matter how much i stumble im running at life ready for whatever happens.

i like that i'm someone who is anything but perfect...

welll hellllooo you lovley wonderful people!

had a really good talk with my daddy...i felt like i actually said a lot of what i was feeling about my faith, i have been confused. i know there is a god i just don't feel anything but i guess its not about feeling. but i don't know God...its not as simple as they say...im a different person...God forgives and expects us to mess up. idk...anyways still figuring out how to find him and it be MY thing and not anyone elses choice. I believe in him...but i don't know him. i want to, i don't know how and its not that simple not when you have heard it your whole life.

right now i just want to live. be me. and people love me for me. people already do but i think that i have a different view of life then most of the people im around. i am lauren arlana freakin hershberger...and don't you forget it hoeski =]




i loooovvve who i am. i looooovvvve where im going. and i don't know where that is.



do everythihng in LOVE.

the end.

Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano

welll helllo world, im back in michigan and missing texas like crazy! texas feels like home and i swear on my life i will be moving back...my goal: 1 year =]

Sometimes i just feel like there are things i need to do and i feel like its time i live on my on, and i mean on on my own. I have been thinking about a lot recently as far as who i am go. Going to houston i felt more like myself than i have in a long time. I didn't have to try to please anyone, I just did. It was like that when i was there too. Before i wasn't strong and confident though because of a lot of things but now I am...I am who i am...if you don't like it well then too darn back because i don't really care if you like me or don't this is who I am! I freakin love me! If you knew how long it had been since I have felt that you would understand. i think maybe the last time i felt this way was when i was 15 or 16 and those are the only years that i EVER felt that until now. of course when i was little i was happy, but i was too young to know anything.

I am ready to keep on whatever this is what im doing. People way not agree and people may not like it but i don't care. this is my life and im not living it for anyone else. In most of what i do i spend trying to please people...i love making people happy but when your taken so much from i think every once in a while i need to spoil me and im going too! You might think im too young but guess what ya I will struggle im sure of it...and its probably gonna be another hard life lesson i get to learn but honestly thats how i like to learn my lessons they stick and i can help someone someday...i can relate to people and i love...i can feel empathy...sometimes it sucks but its the only way i know how to love...i feel...i want to feel...any relationship i have i need to feel! its a need of mine. maybe thats wrong but if i don't feel somthing i can't pretend i can...and i can't dig for feelings for forever when there is nothing there and i can't ignore feelings that go deep...maybe im wrong and stupid for that but guess what again I don't care =] Im happy and thats all that matters...


I also want to tell you this too just because i struggle does not mean that i won't be successful the people that have gone farther in life most of them the amazing ones they struggle...im going to be all that i want to be and maybe even more.




Now I know we said things, did things that we didn't mean
And we fall back into the same patterns, same routine
But your temper's just as bad as mine is
You're the same as me
When it comes to love you're just as blinded
Baby, please come back
It wasn't you, baby it was me
Maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems
Maybe that's what happens when a tornado meets a volcano
All I know is I love you too much to walk away though
Come inside, pick up your bags off the sidewalk
Don't you hear sincerity in my voice when I talk
Told you this is my fault
Look me in the eyeball
Next time I'm pissed I'll aim my fist at the drywall
Next time, there won't be no next time
I apologize even though I know it's lies
I'm tired of the games
I just want her back
I know I'm a liar
If she ever tries to f*cking leave again
I'mma tie her to the bed and set the house on fire

awwww hellll....

Scared as hell! I believe you. I didn't want to but I do. Actions speak louder than words. Please prove to me you meant it now =] Im fine with waiting there is not another guy alive that can make me feel like you do. You already know i don't even have to say a darn thing. Thats all to you now.

Ok so does life really give people a 2nd chance like this...why? omg...im soo mind boggled right now. Im also ready for you to change your mind because this is crazy...i always kinda liked crazy though =] lol i can't help it...the easy part is over now. we will see what happens. ok and i really dont' feel like typing right now so i will add more later...but here is this for now hookers! love ya! k bye.